How many ways are there to mess up this Christmas? So, so many. So let’s take a few moments and review some of the more obvious ways there are to take a perfectly nice holiday and make it unhappy. I know that none of my readers plan to do any of these things but I need to remind myself (in some cases) about a few things. Also my younger son may read this and I want him to think about a few things also. It should be really easy to tell which things are meant for a twenty-something guy and which are more meat for a fifty-something year old guy.
Although you never know for sure in today’s world. . .
One. Don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t really love you at Christmas time. Probably she already has a boyfriend and is just messing around with you until he is finishes up at whatever Ivy league school he may attend and returns to claim his reward for cranking out one more semester of Ivy league goodness.
Notice the vacant look in her eye when you try to share something special under the mistletoe. Remember that words are her last line of defense. You must learn to read the eyes.
Eyes. Fire. Santa is going to be good to you this year!
Eyes. Snow. Start thinking about finding an exciting book and going to see your grandmother over the holidays.
Actually you should go see your grandmother in any case. It’s just that your visit may not be quite as long if you saw the fire. But remember that grandmother probably is not going to be with you for many more years. And now that we have H1N1 and Congress taking care of our health care needs she may actually be gone before another one ends.
So go see her! Eat her cookies and pretend they are your girlfriend’s kisses. Gaze upon her lovely Christmas tree and pretend it is your lovely lady’s colorful holiday attire. Sit on her sofa and imagine that she is right there smelling so divine and glowing like those charming ornaments that hang not ten feet away.
Two. Stay away from alcohol over the holidays. First of all let’s not even pretend that this one is a message for the son. Because why waste the space? Why take the time to beat ones head against the proverbial brick wall even though it is strung with colorful lights and Christmas messages. It’s still going to hurt!
No this one is meant for the father who loves to have a few and finds himself at such times saying things he would not dream of saying at other times. They just come out! Why?
Because he doesn’t care! He’s not worrying about every little thing. And sometimes things work out well and everyone has a great time.
But sometimes they don’t and we don’t really need to go there. It’s like going out with someone who doesn’t really care about you. Sometimes you might have a fine time if they are in a good mood. And then at other times you might end up walking around the city all alone after she decides it’s time to go home and freeze vegetables.
And if you do end up walking around the city while the snow is falling and your tears are freezing on your face please remember just one thing!
You will feel better in a day or two or a week. Don’t under ANY circumstances start walking towards your friend’s apartment. You will end up looking up at her window and imagining what is happening up there.
I can guarantee you that it does not involve vegetables so the best thing is to just say away! Go see your family. Give grandma a hug. Finish the beer in the frig so your father doesn’t drink it. Eat some Christmas cookies for the same reason. And, in general, be thankful that you can do so many things he can no longer do.
Three. Don’t sit around and grow old Dad! Plan to go someplace special next year. And don’t ride there in your car or take a jet or a train! Walk! That’s right! I’m going to walk to Cape Cod in 2010 if things work out and benefit from all the exercise. It may take me a year and I may not leave the neighborhood but if I walk in circles a couple of miles every day that’s over six hundred miles by next December.
It takes about ten hours by car to drive those six hundred miles from Richmond to the Bourne Bridge. But it takes a little longer on foot. Look for progress reports here from time to time. I will let you know when I get to DC.
Well that’s all I have for this Christmas holiday. To be honest I did draw from a few ancient memories in the preparation of this blog post. It’s not easy being young and I appreciate the pain that young people often endure. Still some of us can make our lives better and reduce the amount of emotional and/or physical pain we feel during the holidays.
The holidays are not always joyous but they can surprise us with special moments and leave us with memories we will cherish of loved ones who will grow up or grow old before we are ready for it to happen.
Let’s put on some Christmas lights and shine during this holiday season.