Vermont’s High Court Will Decide Whether Eating Nutraloaf Is Torture

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A class action suit is being brought by some of Vermont’s prison inmates over the food they receive. They don’t like Nutraloaf. And unless someone starts building Hardee’s Restaurants inside Vermont prisons and staffing them with Hooters waitresses they will continue to pursue their rights in court. And they also want Charlize Theron to entertain them with her performance from Two Days In The Valley while they eat.

In other news the AP reports that people should toss out cantaloupes from a Honduran firm believed to be linked to a salmonella outbreak. Authorities note, however, that this does not mean you can toss these babies out your car window when traveling at excess speed through the center of town.

There is a proper way to dispose of your cantaloupe. And ignorance of the right way to do it is no excuse in a court of law.

In other news fleeing drug traffickers off Nicaragua’s coast dumped 3,300 pounds of cocaine into the ocean before escaping. Divers tried to retrieve the packages but were hampered by throngs of tourists who were thrashing about in the water. Fishing boats were also seen to be entering the area in great numbers and the price of fish was skyrocketing as the weekend approached.

And finally Russian says the killing of two journalists from the violence ridden Russian providence of Dagestan are not related. Television reporter Ilyas Shurpayev was found dead on Friday and later that day the head of Dagestan’s state controlled television channel was also killed.

“This is just a coincidence. The murders are not related to each other” said Shamil Guseivov, deputy police chief in Dagestan’s capital. ” The same bullet was not used in each case so they cannot be related. Also they did not happen at the same time and two different criminals were executed. I mean two different journalists died. Probably they both had heart attacks. But we will get to the bottom of this incident”.

“Before Sunday because we want to start the new week off with a blank sheet of paper. So we will have room for the names of more journalists.

And that’s all the news we have for you western dumkoff’s today. Grab your feed and hold tightly onto it because you never know when the news will happen.

And try to buy some fish for your dinner tonight. Remember. Fish from Nicaragua. Good. Cantaloupes from Honduras. Bad.

And Stay away from Dagestan. All of the time.



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