It has been raining all week here in central Virginia which is a good thing because we were definitely running out of water. We don’t mind the rain so much but yesterday our power went out twice and it is still not back on today. It seems like we always lose our power while the folks on the other side of the street never lose theirs so I have decided to write a letter to the Virginia Power People and see if we can remedy the situation.
Dear Power People,
For about the 100th time in the past five years we have lost our power while our neighbors down the street still have theirs. This seems very unfair so here’s a suggestion. Let’s transfer your employees who are responsible for keeping the juice flowing DOWN THERE to our area. You can take our power people and transfer them over there or anywhere for that matter. Maybe you could send them back to power outage school. Just make some changes because I’m tired of stumbling around in the dark while Fred down the road is having a fine time in front of his 106 inch flat-screen television.
Alright. In the mail you go. That felt pretty good. Maybe I should write a few more letters and get some stuff off my chest. You really can’t get anything done in this world unless you are willing to stand up and be counted.
Dear Automobile People,
For some time now it has been apparent to me that you WANT ME to have an accident. Why in heaven’s name do you put the speedometer in back of the steering wheel? I was going down the road in the rain yesterday and thought maybe I was going a little too fast so I looked down at the speedometer. And it was hidden behind the steering wheel and my big, fat hand which I use to drive the car! Why don’t you put the stupid thing somewhere where you can see it! It might remind someone to keep it under the speed limit. You could even put it next to the GPS thing if you wanted to be creative. Then, for example, we could see OUR SPEED 87 mph slash THE SPEED LIMIT 35 mph. They say a picture is worth a thousand words but it could also be worth 1000 bucks in certain cases. Why don’t you transfer some of your dashboard people to work on the rear end of the car and put me in charge of your dashboard projects. I can be there in a few minutes. Just a suggestion.
Dear University of Richmond Spiders People,
Congratulations on your new on-campus stadium. It looks really cool and it is within walking distance from our house so we don’t have to worry about parking. Unfortunately it is smaller than the previous stadium you used downtown and we can’t get tickets to see the games. I enjoy new restrooms and seating as much as the next person but only when I have the opportunity to use them once in awhile. Here’s a suggestion. Why don’t we take everyone who is watching the game at half-time and transfer them down to the old stadium where they can watch the rest of the game on my neighbor Fred’s huge flat-screen television. Then the rest of us can enjoy the new stadium too! Sharing scarce resources is going to be an important part of life in the 21st century and this will show the world that the University of Richmond is ahead of the curve in this regard.
Man this is heady stuff. I have all these letters ready to go. Stamps on them and out they go to the mailbox. Wait! What’s this? The Postal Service is going broke and our letter carrier’s route ends down there by Fred’s house! I’m going to have to see Fred to mail my letters!
Maybe I will bring some coffee beans along for the ride. It surely would be nice to have a cup of hot coffee.
UPDATE: Tickets to some of the U of R games ARE available. It’s one of those on again off again on again things. It doesn’t have anything to do with writing letters. Because writing letters is useless. Right?