It was the night before Christmas
And all through the house
The children were sleeping
And dreaming of louse.
The TSA groper
Who touched Grandma’s hair.
The loud politician
Who wants her bank shares.
Still they all hoped as they fitfully slept
That Santa would shatter the ghosts in their heads.
Pay off the mortgage
Fix up the car
Empty the bottles in stepfather’s bar.
And then they all heard near the roof such a clatter
They knew in their hearts it must be
The great Santa.
But what did they know of the world that dark night?
Or the diver next door who was just now in flight.
He fell from the window a sack on his back
St. Nick’s alter ego a thief dressed in black
A man on a mission with dough on his mind
Now lost in a snowdrift for police to find.
It seemed there would be no true Christmas this night
No Santa or elves and no cries of delight.
But then just before the first cracks of dawn
North Korea decided to lob a few bombs
While this time its neighbor responded in kind!
Countries allied with each joined in the fray
Lighting the dawn brighter than brightest day.
Old Santa was doubtful he could find his way
As mushrooming clouds sprouted up round his sleigh!
And Rudolph’s nose underneath this display
Twas no help at all. . .
He was just in the way.
Then the children awakened to hear such a racket
They wondered what possibly could be the matter
Not knowing this morning that lost in the wind
Tiny particles swirled around spelling their end.
But Santa was not just a cheerful old man
Or an overgrown elf with misguided fans.
He still had one piece of magical coal
And now he decided to give it a go.
He opened his bag under twinkling stars
Silently triggering the biggest by far
Nova explosion the world had ever seen.
For a second it was just a tiny bright light
Then it silently burst overwhelming the night
Leaving the earth in its wake just a speck
A present for all the true pains in the neck.
* * * * * * * * * *
Twas the morning of Christmas
As children awoke
To glistening snowflakes and rainbows above.
The fairies and elves
Flitted round their bright faces
Laughing and charming them all with their graces.
Grandparents lost years ago in sad times
Ran to their children
Dressed in their prime.
Tears turned to crystals
Of many bright colors
As true joy was discovered.
Then I heard Santa say
As I felt his keen sight
“Merry Christmas to all”
“And to all a good night”
But then under his breath he said one more thing
“Aggressors everywhere have got to beware”
“Or Santa’s game”
“Will fix your hardware.”